You can’t fill someone else’s cup if yours is empty.
We live in a fast pace culture whereas it can be difficult to find five or even ten minutes to just breathe! I get it, we need to keep the house clean, we need to make money, we need to keep going to keep going. It’s admirable to have a good work ethic in everything, but when is the last time you’ve truly taken time for yourself? How do you speak to yourself? How do you think of yourself?
It’s so important to take time out of the day to care for yourself in whichever way suits you best! Life can sometimes make it tough to keep a smile on. You may work with people who love to suck the energy and positivity right out of you. Maybe you just haven’t been feeling yourself lately for whatever reason. In the midst of it all, remember that you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you should reward yourself to keep going! Practice self-love. I simply can’t stress enough just how beneficial it is to truly care for and nurture yourself.
I’m still very young, but thankfully I grew up in a positive and encouraging environment that I’m forever grateful for. My parents repeatedly drenched me in affirmations to the point where I started telling myself the same things! This was not out of pride or arrogance, but simply the fact that I started to look at myself in a positive light. I want everyone who is reading this to come to the point where even in spite of knowing your flaws and insecurities, you accept and love yourself.
It can be difficult to truly lift and encourage others up to full capacity if you yourself aren’t encouraged; hence my very first sentence at the top! If you aren’t sure how to care for yourself, I’ll give some examples that you can start to practice! Remember that it’s a journey. Self-love typically doesn’t happen overnight, but there are steps that will bring you closer.
In time, you’ll find what works best for you!
~ Xo, Rachel.
Millions of songs are written about it. Countless books, magazine articles, and *ahem* blog posts are being written every single day! You’ll most likely experience it in one way or another in your life. It doesn’t always have to be about a person! It could be as simple as losing a pet, or losing a dream you’ve had for so long that doesn’t seem to touch the surface of reality. Whatever it is, heartbreak is heartbreak- no matter how “small” or “insignificant” it may seem to others. If it matters to you, it matters!
The most common form of heartbreak however is typically over person you really cared for, or even loved- (there’s a difference).! Maybe they didn’t reciprocate the same feelings. Maybe you two changed over time and drifted apart. Maybe they fell in love with someone else. Maybe they just chose to take an exit from your life without explanation. Whatever the reason, it still hurts! Like a lot a lot.
Now the thing I HATE most is when you’re going through a really hard time, and the people around you say, “It’s gonna be okay, you’ll find someone else, God still has a plan, in time you’ll get over it.” I CANNOT stand these words in the midst of the pain, because honestly in my opinion our minds aren’t working properly while trying to process and figure out what to do with all of this emotional stress and hurt. I only speak for myself, but if I’m going through a really tough time, I will block out every single person who tries to comfort me with words that people feel obligated to say because they don’t know what else to say.
So I’m going to be honest and tell you the truth, k ladies and gents? Depending on how deep the wound of your heartbreak is, and the story behind it, results may vary! First off, you might start playing out in your mind how everything went down, until it’s stuck on loop- just like your feelings you probably still have for this person. You might convince yourself that you’re better off without them, but then an hour later you can’t stop thinking about how much you miss them and want them all to yourself. You’re not gonna want to get out of bed sometimes. You might try to replace them with somebody else only to find that when you wake up, you wished it was them laying beside you instead. You might start to feel like you got played and toyed with. Certain songs or movies that connected the two of you will suddenly start to play at your work, or the grocery store, and you might get a little triggered! You might start thinking of all the things you should have said or done differently that could have possibly changed their mind. You might explain your pain and say the same exact words to your close friends until you sound like a broken record. You might make the saddest playlists on the planet. The pain might be so intense that you can barely breathe, and you can feel it in your chest. The dream you saw of the two of you being together is now torn a part, and you don’t want to believe it. You might cry a lot and ask what you’ve done to deserve this. You are going to hurt for what will seem like forever. You may even tell yourself that you don’t want anyone else, and you’d rather be alone than without the one you love. It may hurt for months, it may hurt for years. And that’s okay. It’s all okay.
Please please please, don’t think that anything is wrong with you for feeling these things, because if we saw half of what happens behind closed doors, we probably wouldn’t think we were crazy anymore. We’re all human, and we all handle great pain differently. Don’t ever judge anyone else and most importantly, yourself for feeling all of these things. You need to feel it, no matter how much you may wish you could go numb. Let me tell you, going numb is actually much worse than any measure of pain that you could experience. In time, it will make you a stronger, more experienced individual.
Now it happened. So you have to deal. People talk about how you’ll be okay, but not the steps you might have to take to get there, so I’ll give some suggestions! Write a song or a whole album even. *ahem Taylor Swift.* Take long walks with good music. Make personal videos explaining your story and how you’re feeling/what you’re thinking. Pray and cry out to God, and ask Him to heal your heart. Sing your heart out. Confide in friends who have your best interest at heart, and who will keep listening to you say the same thing over and over again. Take good care of yourself, and make an effort to always look good even if you still feel like shit. Don’t jump into a relationship with someone else, because that will most often hinder your healing. Type documents that only you can see expressing your raw self, holding nothing back. Make playlists filled with music that stimulates your mind, and lets you know where your heart is at. Watch sad (or) happy movies with ice cream, pizza, and maybe a few drinks. (I don’t recommend getting drunk, you don’t need to wake up feeling worse about yourself, okay.) Forgive the other person, as well as yourself. Be friends with the idea that you might always have feelings for them, and that’s okay. Give yourself time to heal, and love yourself always.
Listen, I don’t care if you have to do all of these things ten thousand million bajillion times! No one can judge you, because they haven’t experienced what you have. Don’t let anyone hinder your healing, It’s good to get it out somehow- especially if you can no longer contact them and express your feelings and pain to them. In all honesty, you’re unique and can’t be replaced. Maybe they weren’t the right one for you. Maybe the timing was no good. Maybe you have some growing and learning to do before something real really happens! Maybe the other person has some growing and learning to do! If you’re not ready for it when it comes, you will lose it. Trust in the process, and know that your time will come. My pastor always tells me that whatever is meant to be yours will be yours. I’m still working on believing that, but I do know that God loves you too much to not give you His best. Just ask for His will to be done, and don’t rush into anything that isn’t meant for you.
~ Xo, Rachel.
You have the fastest car, but it’s not about you.
You wear the finest jewelry, but it’s not about you.
You have a six-figure income, but it’s not about you.
You have the latest technological devices, but it’s not about you.
You have the most followers on social media, but it’s not about you.
Can these things ever replace the internal peace and joy that comes from seeing someone’s face light up from the love and hope you gave them? Can these things replace the warmth inside your heart when you gave to those in need? Could these things alter your mind into believing that you “need it all” to “have it all”?
Now let me clarify; I’m not at all against any of the things mentioned, but it is important to look at our hearts and remember why we’re really here. What is it you want to leave behind when you leave this earth? A beautiful house is great. A nice car is cool. An abundance of wealth for your kids and grand-kids is ideal. But you know what’s even better? Leaving behind a legacy of someone who greatly impacted the lives around them, PLUS those extra material things! Why should you have to choose, right?
Having nice things in life is such a blessing, and they’re meant to be enjoyed! Just as long as you don’t get caught up in the selfishness and materialism that these things can stir up inside of you. There’s so much more to life.
I just love the movie Evan Almighty! It perfectly depicts how God can repeatedly throw what most people would call “signs” in our faces to grab hold of our attention, yet we still choose to call it coincidence. I’m not one to question whether or not coincidence exists; but in my experience, it rarely does!
Now let me just state this, I am in no way at all the type to think that “everything means something”, alright. Chill. On the contrary, I’m actually the skeptical type to ask several times in several different ways if a particular reoccurring subject has any meaning to my life, and if so, what it means. Again, not everything means something! However if a name, number, or even a person keeps popping up repeatedly in your life without you looking for it, then yeah, I absolutely believe it could mean something more.
This is where you need to take a step back and breathe. Of course you’re going to notice a red pick-up truck everywhere you go! You’ve now connected a specific object to a possible notion in your brain that could confirm that this person or situation is meant for you. That’s where people tend to think that everything means something, but that’s just not the case! Living that kind of life pattern can actually be dangerous, because if things don’t turn out the way you thought, it could lead to major confusion! And you all know what I wrote in one of my previous posts about confusion! – The Time I Should Have Said No
Now this is just an example. Personally, I’ve had stories quite similar to the one above, and there have been many times I felt like my life was legit/no joke the movie Evan Almighty! If you haven’t seen it, go watch it, It’s hilarious! I mean come on, it’s Steve Carell! Anyway, every time I’ve had several strange occurrences thrown my way, I would always tell myself that it was “coincidence”, until it happened so many times where I finally asked the same thing as Justin. “God, what do you mean?”
Truth is, God cares about every single detail in your life. That being said, why wouldn’t He show you His perfect will and plans for your life? I’m not saying that this is only way He speaks, but I am saying that it’s important to pay attention to re-occurrences that seem too strange and repetitive to be merely a coincidence! So just chill, live your life, and be open.
Blumarine Fall 2019
Jonathan Simkhai Fall 2019.Fall 2019.
Ellie Saab Fall 2019
You’ve finally found the one. Your heart pounds outside of your chest whenever they’re near, and it’s as if someone has shed a light that you’ve been searching for quite some time now! They’re perfect. Your playlists subsequently turn into perfect love songs, and you’re on cloud nine! …Until reality sets in. Time passes, the honeymoon phase is over, and those little tiny annoying habits and quirks that you never knew about begin to surface.
He neglects to put the toilet seat down and leaves it up no matter how many times she tells him not to, while she isn’t very organized and likes to leave things laying around. Now where did these things come from? They weren’t there before?! Hate to break it to you, but they absolutely were. The more comfortable you become with someone else is typically when you slowly let down your walls that cover up the not-so-hot parts of you. These walls only display your best features for the most part. You know, the ones you automatically put up when you first started dating?
While little habits like leaving the toilet seat up or leaving a mess may be easier to fix, traits that have been internally developed over time are not. “Why can’t he be more affectionate with me? Why is she so stubborn? I’ll bet I can change them for the better.” WARNING!: that is a very slippery slope you do not want to ski down my friend – so take off your snow boots, pop a squat by the fire, and listen. When it comes to inner turmoils such as feeling incompetent, problems displaying affection, etc. you’re dealing with something totally outside of your hands. These things are like breathing. You’ve been doing it so long that it becomes second nature to you.
It can take a whole year to be at that place where you know what makes him feel appreciated and desired exactly the way he wants it. It may take a whole decade to get to the root of why she still has trouble trusting 100%. Movies and social media have really sensitized some people into believing that if any deep issue comes up, it means that there’s something terribly wrong and you’re doomed to fail whereas in reality, the issues are not even half of the problem! It’s all about how you better deal with them without judging or making the other person feel anything less than loved, accepted, and chosen.
Simply put, we’re not perfect. We all have our own little habits and defects we need to work on, but something that’s been with you for a long time doesn’t just suddenly disappear all because someone you love brings it to acknowledgement. I am in no way justifying anything, but I do want to remind you to have patience and grace with one another, because there will be plenty of times where you’ll also need grace. Lift each other up, and always encourage. You’re a team.
1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
I remember my mom telling me stories about how she would come home from work only to hear the sound of a six-year-old me stomping around the kitchen in her high heels that barely fit around my feet. Ever since I was a little girl, I was always trying to grow up too fast. I mean for goodness sake, at five years old I had already been talking about how I would meet my prince soon and get married! And I meant it too. Needless to say, my head was always in the clouds, and my heels were going in whichever direction they pleased.
Leaving a familiar, comfortable place and venturing out into the great unknown is something I’m very accustomed to – and something I actually enjoy! It’s funny because I’ve lived in the same house all of these years growing up, yet I was moving all of the time! For example – I’ve been to two different grade schools, and three different high schools all because I was either curious or bored. The first was a private school, the other a school for performing arts, and lastly a good old public school. The ability I had to adapt easily to new changes and circumstances played a very pivotal role in preparing me for what was coming my way.
Minnesota is my home state, but I knew ever since fifth grade what I would do after high school, and exactly where I would be. I told all of my elementary buddies that I was moving to California to study fashion design. Not a single one of them believed me, until the summer of 2016! I had just turned 18 a couple of months prior, and I was beyond ready to get the heck out of that place and be on my own! I graduated High School on June 8th, and moved to Los Angeles June 24th.
I found it absolutely hysterical when people were shocked and appalled that nobody in my family was moving with me, because I was “way too young and naive to be on my own.” To their surprise, I survived. I arrived knowing absolutely nobody in Los Angeles, and I loved it! Even my roommates were randomly assigned to me by the school I was attending, so I didn’t even have a choice to be with someone whether I knew them or not!
I remember taking hours of walks in places where I had no idea where I was going, let alone how I would get back to my own apartment! From wealthy neighborhoods to skid row, ocean to mountain, you can believe that I saw a great deal of it! I would take random train rides to cities and beaches I never knew existed – and to my surprise I always found my way back home without a GPS! Can I get an award or something?
Needless to say, It was one of the most beautiful, nerve-wracking, and exhilarating experiences I’ve had. Yes, I missed my friends and family like crazy, but I did manage to make new members on my own as well! Were there times I felt alone? Of course! But I’ve never been afraid of just me, myself, and I. Sometimes you need to travel to new places to find out what you really want in this life, and sometimes it’s best if you do it alone.
~ Xo, Rachel.
LET IT GO:
You know when someone does or says something that completely ruins your whole day? Whether it’s your colleague, best friend, spouse, or parent, we’ve all been there. Your blood is boiling. You find it difficult to concentrate at work. When you should be filing documents, instead your mind is playing out scenarios of what you should have said back to them to really give them a taste of their own medicine!
This is a perfect example of when you need to let it go. Holding on to silly things that only steal your joy and ruin your day isn’t worth it! Also, it’s a waste of energy! I get it, it’s not easy to avoid the feeling of anger or resentment sometimes, but if you learn how to forgive and move on, your life will be 10x better- promise!
The harsh reality is that people are going to be people no matter what, so you have to just learn to let it go. Trust me, your well-being will thank you for it!
On a different note, you know that person you know in your heart you should be with, but it seems like nothing is happening? You get all dressed up, accentuate your best features, follow all the flirting tips from Cosmo, but still nothing happens! That’s when you need to let go. Now here’s the deal, letting go doesn’t mean you’re giving up. I’m still a firm believer that what is meant to be yours in this life will be yours when the time is right. However, you can’t force anything, it has to come naturally. So whether it’s a person, opportunity, job position, etc.. you need to surrender that desire in your heart up to whomever you trust in. For me, it’s God.
A lot of things in life I’ve had to let go of. Some still have deep roots within my heart, but they don’t keep me from living my life and moving forward to whatever season or direction I need to be in. If you can’t stand the idea of letting go, I totally get it. When great frustrations come my way and there’s no clarity, I try my best to surrender it to God and ask for guidance and clarity. I imagine my life as a Rubik’s Cube that I throw up to heaven and say, “Please sort this out, show me how it should look, then send it back down.”
That being said, it’s important to practice both of these methods. Truth.. letting go of something you truly care about can be agonizingly painful, but you have to do it. The only things to hold onto are love, hope, and your beliefs. Know that you have great purpose. Though sometimes you may not be where you need to be, you’re surely not where you used to be. Keep growing.
~ Xo, Rachel.
According to statistics, 80% of people ages 11-30 have had problems with their skin; ie. breakouts, oiliness, dryness etc. at one point in their lives. It’s not fun to deal with, and can majorly effect anyone’s self-esteem! I’m currently attending school in the field of esthetics, so I’ll give you the best tips and tricks to achieving that desired, radiant look.
We all need to hydrate our bodies because after all, we are made up of about 60% of water! I don’t know about you, but I definitely don’t drink nearly as much as I should. Experts say that the average person should drink up to 8 oz glasses a day. Not only does it flush your body of all the toxins, but it adds a nice glow to your complexion and will help keep acne at bay. Tip: To add nutrients and flavour, put some fruit or veggies in there.
2. Wear SPF every single day.
Did you know that 90% of aging is caused by the sun? Doesn’t matter whether you live in California or Antarctica, you need to put on SPF every single day. Sorry to burst your bubble honey, but the UB and UV rays are still out to get ya when it’s gray out. They are strong enough to penetrate through the clouds. Same concept, the rays are still totally out to get you in the winter. Cold weather won’t affect the sun’s ability to damage your skin. The rays even reflect off of the snow, giving the same effect as swimming in the water in the summer which attracts more rays. So slather up, babe.
3. Stop picking!
I get it, I get it. There’s this huge zit that you just can’t wait to pop. However, if done incorrectly it can lead to scaring, hyper pigmentation, and promote even more to show up. To help avoid picking, invest in these pimple patches to put on the infected area, and it will reduce redness and size quickly.
4. Find a routine that works for you, and stick with it.
You should wash your face every morning and every night followed with a routine that fits best with your skin type. Whether it’s a 5-step, 7-step, or even 10-step, stick to it every morning and night. Trust me, you’ll thank me when you look half your age by the time you get old!
5. See a licensed esthetician and/or dermatologist.
Skincare is an investment. Estheticians can better improve your skin because they are trained to notice and treat any areas with abnormalities or impurities. Plus, the massages and facials feel very luxurious and relaxing. Dermatologists are more on the medical field and deal with deeper issues in the skin that aren’t in the esthetician’s scope of practice. For instance severe acne, cystic acne, skin cancer, etc. Find one that you feel comfortable with and go out there and get your glow on.
Everything was perfect. I had just made a new friend in the school I was attending at the time. Before I knew it, we were taking road trips to her beautiful house that was a few hours outside of LA. Music blasting, sunsets setting, the mesmerizing ocean, mountains, it was dope! I was looking for a new church to go to, and she went to one in Hollywood called Mosaic. I had heard of it before, but never went. She invited me to go with her one Sunday!
Since the day we became friends, she had been talking forever about a guy she was crazy about ever since she was young! I’m talking years of liking him guys, not just a random new boy in town. He was a long-time family friend, and I told her to tell him how she felt since they knew each other so well! She didn’t tell him, but I still hoped that somehow things would work out for them.
We went to an evening service one Sunday at the church, and the guy that she liked met us there with a few of his buddies. He was really sweet, such a great guy. I purposely sat on the end of the row so that they would sit together. I know, I know, kind of dumb but I’m a hopeless romantic like that okay, let me live my life. After the service, we went to a pizza place next door because honestly what’s more romantic than pizza? Nuthin!
The guy she liked was cool, but very quiet! She was quiet as well that night to my surprise! I talked with everyone there, and apparently impressed all of the guys with how much pizza I ate that night. Listen ya’ll, I was really hungry okay, so If a guy offers me his piece you best believe imma be all over dat! Is that an attractive quality or something? I don’t know, regardless we were all having a great time and I thought things were going really well! Boy was I ever wrong.
After that night I hadn’t heard from her in a while, so I shot her a text. One day later- no response. Two days- no response. I began to wonder if everything was alright, because we would normally text all of the time! I gave it at least one week, then tried reaching out again only for her to tell me that we were no longer friends. No real reason or answer behind it, just that it wasn’t “working out.” Which made absolutely no sense, because we were such good friends!
I was confused more than ever, but I just let it be. About six months later- the summer of 2017, I was on summer break back in my hometown, Minneapolis. One morning I received a text from a number I didn’t recognize. In this text was a very detailed, and poetic paragraph of how much affection and admiration this person texting had for me. I didn’t know who it was at first, then at the end of the text he wrote his name as if he were signing a letter. It was the guy my friend liked. She gave my number to him, and he told me he hadn’t stopped thinking about me ever since we met.
Well… I finally got my answer! I felt absolutely horrible. I honestly loved her as a friend, and had no intention whatsoever of that happening. The lesson here? Don’t eat too much pizza in front of a guy, or you might just make him fall in love with you.
~ Xo, Rachel.
a Blog About Life & Style
Relentlessly Pursuing God in Every Season
Chronicling the world of skincare, makeup and everything else muggle.
Daily soaking up everything that the love of my Lord, husband, children, and the wonderful life that accompanies it has to offer.
Dedicated to psychological, physical, and spiritual wellness. We’re all hunting for happy, and we all need a little help.
memoirs of aly (the way i see it).